The first condom.

Last night was the birthday of one of our friends. The last one in our ''gang'' to reach the quarter of a century. We had a blast and we went to ''La cage aux sports'' to watch the game and have supper with a few beers for his birthday.

Were about ten and talking and having a few beers. At one point during the night, the girls all go to the bathroom together so there's only the guys left at the table and we reach a point of awkward silence for no reason really just no one was talking. Then for some reason I still don't understand I popped the only question that came to my mind to the guys:

''So was everyone's first experience with a condom awkward?'' *Bigger awkward silence* All the guys look at each other unsure and i'm laughing my ass off at the awkwardness I just created and one starts (Guess the booze got us going):

''Well to be honest, first time with a condom was like when you shoot a rubber band at someone. It was hell, it wouldn't get on.''

That was it, he had ''broken'' the ice and everyone then shared their story. One starts by explaining to us that he had unrolled it all THEN tried to put it on. Yeah good luck! One goes explaining how they didn't have one the first time and he had to run to the store at minus 40 degrees celcius and get some. He got back home and the parents were home early and he had a bag with condoms in it. His condom lesson was done by his parents, in front of his girlfriend. Ouch. Another one of our friends explained how he thought you had to stretch it, pull it all the way down to the base and then ''let go''. Instant loss of erection occured.

Then I shared mine. As you can see by the only question that popped my mind at the table, I ask myself some pretty fucked up shit sometimes. My first experience with a condom was ... special to say the least. I was with a very complexed girl. We were in the dark getting the foreplay on but always in the dark. No lights were allowed she wasn't confortable with her body naked exposed in the light. Who am I to argue, i'm 15, horny and getting... treated. Dark it is. That's all fine except when she tells you for the first time: ''Let's do it. Got any condoms?'' Yeah I do, except I have no clue how to put that on, i'm excited and it's dark. I get a condom and do my first attempt at putting it on in the dark not too sure. It doesn't seem to work so I say: Let me go to the bathroom real quick put it on since I can't turn the light on. I went to the bathroom and then looked at my member, looked at the condom and asked myself: How the ...?

Then all sorts of things rushed through my head. Do balls go inside too or not? Well I have to protect them too sooo I tried to put them in too. Yeah I did that. Let's just say being persistant isn't always a good thing as I tried and kept on trying, well my member really did not appreciate the gesture and wouldn't cooperate. I still remember that night like it was yesterday and I laugh so hard today thinking back about the next scene. Since it was the last condom (Yeah took a few to figure it out) and reallyyyyyyyyyy wanted to do it, I helped myself getting back up and figured, alright, let's just give this a go... Naturaly.

I remember getting back in the room with a rubber really badly put on (it reach the base of the penis however, there's a piece of the condom ''hanging at the tip'' since i unrolled too much and ... yeah) and I get back in the room only to realise, she had gotten dressed, 25 minutes had passed since I had said ''be right back'' and the lights were now on. She couldn't help herself but busting out laughing at the scene with me in erection, rubber ''hanging at the end'' and I get in saying: I GOT IT!!! Her laughing caused the funniest of it all, it got me shy and all the blood down there rushed to my face and the rubber sort of just ''fell'' on the ground instantly. Laughing ensued even me. We never did it that night as we both felt it just wasn't the time and I felt too ashamed to even try again.

Then were all laughing at the table but also realising that were somewhat normal (Let's leave the fact that were discussing our first rubber experiences at a cage au sport out of the ''normal'' criteria shall we?) and it isn't quite an easy experience despite all the ''training'' you get in high school on the banana. Looks realllll simple in class, on a hard banana without any pressure. When you reach the point of the first time, you're shitting bricks, literaly and the high school class is nothing but a blur in your mind and you can't quite figure it out it seems. I blame the blood rush. The girls got back after 15 minutes of us discussing rubbers and what not and they ask what were all laughing about. Needless to say, they started laughing too when we explained and then THEY told us their stories and it made us all go: Ok, it's not just us.

Why am I even writting about this you might ask? I ask myself too. It just makes me laugh and I enjoy laughing. During this period of the year, went it's cold, dark, dull... We can all use a laugh! And I enjoy discussing awkward shit that everyone lives, just never really talk about.

Also, because I feel this a topic everyone can relate to. Yeah sure some guys somewhere got it right and perfect the first time around! But I think for the average joe, it's quite an experience that as I can see, everyone actualy remembers. I'm pretty sure as you read this, you; yourself, actualy went on memory lane thinking about your first experience with one.

Hopefuly, I got you to laugh a bit on this cold January day. January sucks. Winter sucks.

PS: Totaly unrelated topic... But i'm glad I was a part of history yesterday. I witness what was probably a bigger step for mankind than men on the moon. Congrats to Barack Obama who overcomed so many obstacles, prejudice, racism, people who didn't believe and kept dashing head first for what he believed in and to achieve his goal. That people, is fucking inspiration. He might not change the world, he might not get the states back on their feet but I think we can all agree that he has already achieved a lot just by being elected. Good luck to him.